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Some People Just Like to Visit!

October 24, 2010

One of the magazines I receive monthly is Kiplinger’s Personal Finance ; I like the magazine because it has readable articles, and a wonderful question/answer section. The November issue has a question in the “Money & Ethics” section that reminded me of a recent visit from Chelsey’s (my eldest daughter) boyfriend…will call him “Ray” (in case he does a google search for articles representing him) (LOL) and how I thought his visit was to ask my blessing (permission in the old days) to marry her, prior to him popping the question. 

But back to the article then I’ll tell you about “Ray’s” visit.

The question is: “My husband and I are quite well off (some would say rich), but we’ve always lived simply and given generously to charity. Our daughter is marrying a young man from a family of similar means but apparently different values. Everyone involved in planning the nuptials (our daughter, her fiance and his parents) seems intent on a lavish wedding and honeymoon – except us, who by tradition are expected to pay for all his. We believe the money could be spent better – say, by investing for the couple’s future or donating to charity. Any suggestions for our dilemma?”  

The answer is: (I’m just going to give you one of the answers he gave that I actually like) “Offer to give the couple a significant financial gift to start them off in their lives together. Tell them that they may spend the money in any way they wish, including spending it on their wedding…”

If I were rich I would pay for the wedding with no questions asked, except for my input on the flavor of the cake…. but back to my story…Marriage proposal

Chelsey and “Ray” have been together about two years. He’s a great guy and everyone likes him. He clearly loves her and when they moved in together I had my concerns as that phrase Grandma Carolyn used to say “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” kept running through my mind. Last Christmas we spent the holidays together and I had asked about their future and he let me know that if she could handle the next 6 months of  his  “work life” (he owns a business that is intense and he acquired a lengthy contract that was financially lucrative, although required a lot of travel) he would possibly be popping the question. So the six months goes by and all is well, they continue to seem to be happy and I’m waiting for the call. I get the call. “Ray” was going to be in New York and wanted to come by for a visit. I was excited as I knew he was going to ask for my blessing. I got a hair cut, had Tom pick out my clothes as he knows what I look best in, cleaned the house and even thought of giving Cosmo the dogthe Cosmo a bath (but didn’t have time). We made reservations at a great restaurant down the street. The doorbell rings and there is “Ray.” I’m beaming, he looks the same, not nervous or intimidated as I assumed he would….we chatted for a while then we all went out to dinner. We talked about his recent vacation, his job, my tax firm (www.gunwel.com), Tom, Cosmo, NYC, everything but the question requiring my blessing. I’m thinking okay, he’s going to wait until we get home. We go back to our apartment and sit around chatting some more, then there is a lull in the conversation so before we turn the tv on  to watch “Glee” I say “I’m going to bring up the big question…what’s going on with your relationship with Chelsey…do you have anything to ask me????” No he says, they’re still doing great but not ready to take the next step. As I watch “Glee” I’m thinking about what Grandma Carolyn used to say…. When he left I did give him my business card that has my fax number on it and reminded him that when he does take the next step and ask for my blessing I will need to see his bank statements and medical records from his Doctor and that can all be faxed to my office…..

Chesley called a few days later and mentioned how uncomfortable “Ray” felt with my questions, I reminded her of what Grandma Carolyn used to say. She reminded me that some people just like to visit….!

At GAI we know that  you have all types of influences on how you spend your money and it all effects your bottom line; we are here to help you sort through all of this and help you stay on course. Give us a call at 212-979-6830 or come by for a visit. Let us know what your Grandma Carolyn would say and do! See you soon.

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